


Oh God It's Never Been So Cold

by LightlySaltedSalt



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Gen, Hinata Hajime in Denial, Hinata Hajime-centric, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I Wrote This While Listening to Hozier's Music, Post-Canon, Post-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Short One Shot, Someone Take These Kids Away From Me, There's A Tag For That, Tired Hinata Hajime, no beta we die like ultimates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 23:35:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30096888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightlySaltedSalt/pseuds/LightlySaltedSalt
Summary: Hinata Hajime struggles with an eating disorder.
Kudos: 14





	Oh God It's Never Been So Cold

**Author's Note:**

> This is a personal vent fic, please do not romanticize the extremely unhealthy behavior depicted or use this to trigger yourself. I'm just venting and using poor Hinata as a projection tool.

Hinata sat at the small table, a bowl of rice in front of him. He stared at it for a while. Each grain was beautifully white, and he could see light reflect off of each one. Faint wisps of steam rose above it, turning the air before him slightly white and fuzzy. 

Hinata picked up his chopsticks, and began prodding at the rice. Each time he poked the lump of rice, it sank slightly, before bouncing back up like a savory jello. Ever so slowly, Hinata sank his chopsticks into his food, and hesitated for a moment before taking out a small bite-sized clump of rice. He raised it to eye level and stared at it. The steam pouring from it held a very slight aroma of grain. Slowly, Hinata pressed the food to his lips, yet he never opened them. He just sat there for a moment, white rice up against his sealed lips. Eventually, he put the rice down, setting it back into the bowl, and he placed his chopsticks down as well. Gently, Hinata rested the back of his hand on the side of the porcelain bowl. He looked at his meal once more, and closed his eyes.

CRASH!

Hinata slowly opened his eyes and retracted his hand which had just snapped out, hitting the bowl into the wall. Hinata looked at the mess he'd made. There were porcelain shards littering the floor, and a few stuck into the wall, and rice was everywhere. Hinata sighed. This would take a long time to clean up. 

After ten or so minutes, Hinata had cleaned up the mess he'd made. He sighed, and let himself fall back onto his bed. Hinata reached over to his bedside table, and picked up his phone. It was 19:46. Hinata unlocked his phone, and immediately clicked on his favorite app. He opened it, and was immediately pleased by the dark blue theme, and the numbers on the screen. There was a large green circle in the middle of the screen, and within it were the numbers 59: 07 

Hinata smiled. He was almost at sixty. Maybe he could get to seventy-five! He'd never gone that long before. Never gone that long without eating, that is. No, no, Hinata wasn't anorexic or anything! Sure, he knew it looked bad but he knew he didn't have a disorder. He was just on a slightly more strict diet than most people try! That was all. He knew his mother used to do an occasional fast, so what was the difference? His diet was healthy. He would never, ever let it get bad enough to hurt him.  
The only thing he's ever done that could even remotely be disorder related was purging once or twice, but it's not like it was a regular thing or anything. He didn't have bulimia, he hadn't even purged more than five times! He's normal. It's a normal thing to do a few times. He doesn't have a disorder. He's healthy. He gets healthier every single day. Everything was alright. 

Hinata stood up, and immediately, black spots appeared in his vision until he couldn't see. He clutched his head in one hand, and leaned against the wall until his vision cleared. This was a normal thing. Whenever he stood up his vision would black out for a moment, but it was normal. Nothing was wrong.

Slowly, he shifted his weight back away from the wall, and walked out of his room. He was bored. He wanted to go to sleep but he couldn't fall asleep just yet. Hinata loved to sleep. It let him add eight or so hours to his fast without any pain or effort. For that reason alone, he goes to bed early, but right now, he wanted to kill some time until he was tired. 

Hinata walked out of his cottage, feeling his body grow heavy and his legs become weak at the small effort of walking to the restaurant. He felt as though he was about to fall. Hinata clutched the wall of his cottage tightly until he couldn’t anymore, and then he just grabbed on to the next. It was normal. This wasn't a bad sign or anything, he was healthy. He wasn't getting weaker. Everything was fine. 

Hinata arrived in the restaurant, and saw that none of his classmates were there. That was a rare occasion. That meant that he could do whatever he wanted there and nobody would know. Hinata smiled as an idea came to his head. He knew that some of his more attentive classmates would soon realize he's not eating and think he has an eating disorder or something stupid like that. Then they'd tell Tsumiki, or worse yet, the Future Foundation, who might send him to some fucked up mental hospital or something, even though he had no disorder. But, if he could just make his classmates think he was eating... Then none of that would have to happen.

With his idea in his mind, Hinata got to work. He took a plate and a knife out and set them on a table. The table was clean, so his plate would stand out just like he wanted. Then, Hinata grabbed some leftover meat from lunch that day, and just put tiny fragments of it onto his plate, letting the sauce fall onto it as well. He put the meat away, and got out some water. He sat down in front of the plate, idly sipping his water. From there, all he had to do was wait.  
Soon enough, Kazuichi and Ibuki walked into the common room.

"Finishing up your dinner there, Hinata?" Kazuichi asked. Hinata pretended to chew and swallow, before speaking.

"Yeah." He said. “Did you need something?”

"Ah, we were just about to invite you to come have pizza with us ‘cause Ibuki got the leftovers from Teruteru, but I see you're already covered there." Kazuichi responded with a thumbs up. "Well, see ya later!" Hinata nodded, as the two left. 

Once they were gone, he smiled to himself, before getting up from his chair, leaving the plate behind on the table. Hinata decided to kill a little time and go for a quick jog, so he walked up to the door, fixed his tie, and left the building.

The moment he was out the door, Hinata took off at a light jog. Instantly, his entire body felt like lead and it was all he could do to keep his arms from hanging limp, and to keep himself from collapsing onto the concrete. It was normal. Maybe he just didn't work out enough and was getting out of shape. He was healthy. Everything was fine. 

He was ten minutes into his jog now. He was exhausted. He never got this tired this fast before. It was fine. It was purely coincidental, it had nothing to do with his diet. He was healthy. 

Just then, Hinata suddenly collapsed to the ground, thankful he was running on the beach for the soft sand. He was sweating bullets, yet his entire body was freezing. He felt splitting pain in his skull, but he hadn't hit his head. His breathing intensified as he tried to force his way to his feet. 

As he struggled, someone called out to him. One of the girls, for sure, but he wasn’t sure who, "Are you alright, Hinata?"

Hinata mustered up what little strength he had to yell, "I just tripped, I’m fine!" The girl didn't respond further, and kept walking. Hinata slowly forced himself to a sitting position, and slowly dragged himself to his feet. His vision started to turn black again, and he leaned back against a palm tree, while trying to catch his breath. 

When his vision cleared, and his breath was normal, Hinata's thoughts returned to normal too. He convinced himself that he really did trip, despite the absence of rocks, sticks, or anything to trip on anywhere on the ground. He just tripped over his own feet. He was fine. It was normal. Everything was okay.

Slowly, Hinata walked back to his cottage, and put himself right to bed. He was absolutely exhausted. He felt a gnawing pain in his gut, but he ignored it. He didn't need to eat, he wasn't really hungry. He just needed to go to sleep. Hinata smiled slightly, knowing the time on his phone would gain another handful of hours by dawn. With that thought, Hinata drifted off into a restless sleep, unable to keep warm despite his three blankets.


End file.
